The silver lining in this divorce is that it’s forced me to really dig deep and figure out who I am and what I want out of life. I’ve started to create an ‘Elle Woods’ style vision board, I’ve spent time just being by myself, and I’ve spent time with friends, just being me, without apology or hesitation. And it’s been glorious. I really can’t say that I’ve had a day of loneliness in F.O.R.E.V.E.R.
A couple of friends that I have to thank, have committed to helping me rediscover who I am and doing things that I’VE always wanted to do (even though they want to do these also because the ‘fun things’ are truly just that awesome to do). I’m picking these things…no one else and I get to be the one to do what I want when I want to (and that’s if the kids aren’t with me because the kids always overrule me :)).
And as much as I love my kids, I need to do these adventures on my own. Mom’s forget, all too often, who we were before we had kids – and we mentally shame ourselves for wanting time alone…so I am working diligently to find a balance between mom-life and me-life and work-life. Thank goodness for friends so that I get to have fun with other adults during my adventures too.
Recently, I had my own, first, personal adventure. Bingo. Yes, that’s not a play on words…I played Bingo. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I’ve always thought that it would be fun to go and play Bingo with the hard core, dauber-owning, bingo players.
It was just as much fun as I thought it would be.
A friend of mine went with me to Bingo and we bought daubers (the ink-dot things that make playing Bingo faster) and spent $1 for three cards and we didn’t win a thing but had so much fun. The people playing are super intense and I think I was even “shushed” once or twice, because I like to talk and giggle a lot, but it was so much fun.
To get out of the house for a few hours, spend time around adults, get my blood pumping trying to keep track of 6 Bingo squares at once, giggle when I couldn’t keep up, giggle at the bad words heard around the room when someone said Bingo, giggle when there was a loud sigh of relief when the announcer said that it was not a Bingo, and giggle at the mad rush for the exit when 75 people lost and Bingo was over, was so much fun.
I’m not sure that I’m going to do it again but I’m glad I went. It was something different, a change of scenery and a chance to do something that I’ve always wanted to do – call me simple, but it was so much fun.
About a year ago, I watched an episode of Duck Dynasty where the mom and Willie went to Bingo and he attempted to ‘call’ the numbers/letters for Bingo. I loved watching the intensity of each of the players and because I love people watching I thought it would be so much fun.
The reality was that it was so much better than the show portrayed. 🙂 The people watching was awesome and it was packed with people from all backgrounds. I like the simple things, I suppose.
Create a Bucket List.
My advice to anyone getting ready to get married – write a list of things that you like to do, and make sure that it’s not all about the things that your soon-to-be-spouse likes to do. It’s wonderful to do things together and you should have regular date nights, but you should do things that you both want to do, not just your spouse.
I think that my ‘people pleasing’ mindset has compromised too much in both of my marriages and I never really asserted myself enough to get to do what I wanted to do. That’s not to say that I didn’t love getting interested in their favorite things, it’s just that neither one of my husbands ever asked me what I wanted to do on date night. It was only ever what ‘we’ wanted to do and because I was always fine with whatever they liked, they never stepped outside of their ‘boxes’ to do something that was on my bucket list. But, at least, this is something new for me to focus on – checking everything off of my bucket list.
And because I’ve focused on it – I never really realized that my bucket list is a mile long. I can’t wait to do everything. Things like camping on the beach and enjoying a resort with the rooms on/in the water have given me a new drive in life. I am going to work not for the work accomplishments but purely as a means to give the word ‘life’ a new meaning. I want to teach my kids that it’s important to set goals so that you have a reason to work hard and then enjoy ‘moments’ and life and create memories that only they can relish in.
I can’t wait to create new memories and I can’t wait to teach the kids the value in creating new memories.
We didn’t realize that we were making memories. We just knew we were having fun.